Even The Greatest Lose
by Lady Ravenheart
Summary: It was a fairytale romance that turned into a horror story. Rozen Cousland never wanted her marriage to end up loveless leaving only cheating and lies to show for it. However, a certain someone re-enters her life and she ends up being no better.
1. Castle Walls

**Chapter 1:** Castle Walls

_"Everyone thinks that I have it all,_  
_but it's so empty living behind these castle walls._  
_If I should tumble, if I should fall, _  
_Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls? _  
_There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls..."_

The rain fell all around me and I could hear the quiet noise as it touched the beautiful but dark flowers with hard quickness. I could feel the cold pin-pricks of the water as it fell and ran down my skin. The wet coldness seeped through my thin dress and it left small patches of cold bumps behind as cruel reminders. It was so peaceful here, so serene, so lonely. The castle garden seemed to of had a strange eeriness about it yet it still held my attention. There was something about it that just made me come back continuously despite how it looked so demonic and dark in the rain. It was the only place where I could forget my life as the Queen of Ferelden, though, the one place where I could escape my life. In this dark place I could forget that I was married to a man who would runaway and lie to me. He would hide things from me even when he knew that I knew about everything that he was doing. It had only been one year since the Archdemon was slayed, and it was under less than a year since we had gotten married. Our love had been so strong with so much passion and romance, yet here I was trying to forget him. But what happened to make our love that was so sweet turn so sour? What...?

As I reminisced, the moon broke through for just a moment and spilled her sick moonlight rays over the plants of sorrow and me. But soon enough, the the dark gray clouds came rolling in and engulfed her once more leaving me alone in the dark again. Only the sound of the rain broke the eeriness but even so, it didn't matter to me. There was no one here besides me, myself, and I. Alistair was with his whore tonight, like always. She was an elven beauty: Big azure eyes and long wheat colored hair. She had a sick ivory colored smile and a giddy laugh to accompany it. It was nothing like my black curls and gray eyes. I rarely smiled and laughed anymore and he sought a way out of this nightmare of a marriage. Did he not realize that he wasn't the only one suffering? As the rain continued to fall, I closed my eyes and hung my head low. My long dark curls veiled my sore red eyes as I thought about this: Why was I even surprised anymore? Why was I still here? Why did it get this way to begin with? Oh right, it was because I still loved him, that's why I was here. The reason for being surprised? Well, that one was obvious: I desperately wanted him to come back and sweep me off of my feet light he had so long ago. And the reason it had gotten like this?

I failed to produce an heir.

Due to the Darkspawn taint, I couldn't have any children. Numerous times we tried and tried but nothing ever came of it. No morning sickness, no baby bump, simply nothing. He wanted children so bad, he wanted to start a family and go on with his life but most of all: He desperately wanted everybody to get off of his back about having no successor for when he would pass. We only had a certain amount of time left to live and he still had no children to take his place for when he left this world to join the Maker. In his eyes, this was my fault and in mine, it was his. Over and over again we would blame one another for failing at this. As he saw it, he should have never have married me. He thought he should have married a woman who could actually do something with her body rather than nothing like me. To him, I was just one more burden in his life as the King of Ferelden. So he would run off and escape reality with his whore while I was left behind to melt away in the rain. He was such a selfish man.

However, as I continued to fade away into the darkness and rain, I could hear something rustling in the bushes beside me. I lifted my head up just slightly and looked over towards the source of the direction. I tried to listen to the noises but then nothing ever came of it besides the obvious noises of moving. At first, it was just the sounds of bushes being rustled and twigs breaking but then it turned into the sounds of a woman giggling. I didn't have any ambition to go and look but the way the giggling sounded didn't seem right to me. So without a word I walked over and hid as I focused my eyes into the darkness. As I stared I caught sight of a whisp of golden and a torn blue cloth. As I listened, I soon began to work out words the woman was speaking.

"N-no! Sir, please! We can't do this here, not in the gardens! What if the Queen is here?"

"She's not here, she's sleeping. So come on, it'll be alright." The man urged and laughed at the woman. The sound of the rain was soon joined by the sound of something being torn. At first I thought it was just two of the servants but it then occurred to me: This was Alistair and she, she was Rheina. Alistair was never the first one to urge on the sex. He had been the sweet, romantically-awkward man that I had fallen in love with but now he was just an angry man who sought sex from a woman who slept with nearly everyone in the castle. That's all he was now: an angry man who didn't love but felt lust. I couldn't watch or listen anymore. I didn't care if they heard me leave or not, I simply sat up and stormed off leaving behind the man I once loved and a whore. At first all I had felt was anger and hurt but that soon became sadness and sorrow. How could he do that to me? How could he just forget everything that we had gone through, together as both the only Grey Wardens left in Ferelden and as lovers? How could he just let us fall apart like that? How...?

There were only a few servants wandering around the barren stone halls but they asked me if I were all right or if I wanted a new pair of clothes. However, I dismissed them stating that all I wanted was to go to bed and that they should too. I warned them not to go into the garden because it was raining heavily outside. Silently I marched towards the bedroom and tried my hardest to forget this night and everything else that had happened. Just like every other night I would fall asleep and wake up without dreaming. There was no dreaming when it was all a nightmare. I would have to deal with this soon, either leaving him or producing an heir. It seemed like producing an heir was out of the question though, and dark chills consumed me from the thought of the other options. Even after all that had been set and done, I still couldn't bring myself to even think about leaving him. But I couldn't continue living like this, if this was even called living. Though for now all I would do was simply go to sleep and try my hardest to forget all of this. That's all I could do.


	2. Come Closer

**Chapter 2:** Come Closer

_"I want to lay my head down,_  
_Come close, come closer._  
_What's that uncomfortable sound,_  
_Of your key in the door?_  
_I hear you walking out,_  
_Walking out again._  
_Why didn't you stay a while,_  
_To say goodbye, my friend?"_

The pitter-patter sound of the rain beat sourly in my head. I had always loved the rain but lately, all it had brought was sadness and demise. It was the very essence of my sorrow and the way it always came at my most lonely moments only broke me more. It was early summer but it had only rained and we only seen the sun a few times if not at all. My eyes searched the roof as I layed my head down to study the sounds of the rain that fell all around us. It had to be atleast three in the morning, or somewhere around that time for I knew it had been fairly late when I retired to the bed. It seemed some time passed for my wet hair had already dried, just as everything else damp had also. I looked to my side however and took note of how Alistair was now beside me. He was laying on his back and I silently watched as his chest rose and fell with each breath he took. With this silence and how he lay beside me, I felt like crying. How long had it been since I felt like he was mine once more? It had been too long in my opinion. Quietly, I moved slightly to rest my head upon his chest and listen to his heartbeat and feel the rise and fall of his chest. Maybe, just maybe, this could be the turning point in which I could feel just a little happy. However, before I could actually lay my head upon him, he moved to turn around leaving me to face his bare back.

Even in his sleep he had denied me.

But before I could let it hurt me any more than it should, I turned around as well and stared out into the empty darkness. This way, even if he did turn back around, he wouldn't be angered by my crying. As I had cried silently, I drifted off into a dark sleep leaving behind the sound of his light snoring and heavy rain. Again, it was a dreamless sleep with nothing besides the dark to keep me company.

My eyes reopened with a sudden jerk that sent shivers throughout my body that caused me to awake. I lay upon my back and searched the ceiling for any sort of an answer. But, to my dismay the cold stone did not speak in any kind of tongue or speech. It simply stayed there and mocked me cruelly from the way its life seemed better than mine, despite the fact it did not breath, live, talk nor anything else of that sort. I then shifted my attention over towards the door and noticed Alistair standing there, watching me quietly. His expression confused me: He seemed happy, excited and over all thrilled about something. His eyes danced with a flame that was extinguished long ago and his lips were slightly curled into a smile yet he tried to act sad, but about what? As he began to speak, I sat up and listened to him.

"Rozen, my darling, my lo-"

"Since when do you call me darling, or love?" I interrupted with sudden coldness. It fell silent between us and the tension began to itch away at me. The smile that was once upon his lips vanished into a thin, hard line. He stared at me with his beautiful yet dark eyes. However, before I could make any more assumptions he began to speak again, as if ignoring my comment.

"I'm leaving for Orlais. It's urgent."

"Mm, alright." I stated, not really caring if he were here or not. I then looked away from him, making it obvious I didn't really care what he was doing. As I sat there, I could feel his gaze burning upon me. It didn't feel...right in any way. That tension that was there before, it began to get worse. I fiddled with a loose string on the blanket and tried my hardest to refrain myself from looking over in his direction. I was certain he was still here. It was confirmed when he then stated rather harshly.

"What, you don't care if I'm going or not? No goodbye, no kiss on the lips? No "I'll miss you" or "Be safe?"

"Why don't you get your whore to get you to do all of that?" I hissed back without looking at him.

"What?" He questioned, trying to sound astonished by this. At first, I didn't mean to say anything about it for it merely slipped out. But the moment I had said it, I actually felt like saying it more. Still, without looking at him I continued.

"Don't act like that. I know what you've been doing for the past eight months. I'm almost surprised your whore hasn't had one of your bastard children yet."

"Don't call her that, she's not a whore." He stammered a quiet protest while looking behind him.

"Come on, you don't have keep this a secret. Half of Ferelden already knows what has been going on within the castle of their beloved king." I urged on and looked over towards his direction. He then came in and shut the door behind him as he shot dark glares at me. My eyes also darkened as I stared at him more and more. Did he honestly think that he was keeping this a secret? Did he honestly pass his servants a deaf ear every time he would pass them in the hallway? He then began to speak harshly again.

"Atleast she can have children. Atleast she wants to be near me, atleast she doesn't push me away. I try to love you, I try my hardest but all you do is keep pushing me away! What am I supposed to do? Just keep getting pushed away and come crawling back like a dog?"

"Don't blame all of this on me! It's not my fault you gave up on me after dozens of times trying to have children! It's not my fault the taint can't let me have any!" I growled back after standing up from the bed. He only continued to stare at me with dark, brooding eyes. He never used to act this way, we never used to fight this bad. Before all of this, he would tell me that it was alright we couldn't have children. He would tell me that it wasn't my fault that I was once a grey warden and that the taint would do this. Now here we were, bickering about whose fault it was. I then took another shot at him.

"Just leave, I don't want you here."

"Fine, I will leave. I knew I should have never married you but oh no, you insisted that it was you who I married. All you bring me is pain and misery." He answered as he began to leave the bedroom. At first I was astonished by what he had just said but then I became angry. How dare he say that. I didn't insist, he asked me for my hand and I only accepted. How in the Makers name could he blame that part solely on me? I then trailed after him yelling at him more and more.

"Oh come on, I'm not the only one who wanted to be married! We were in love, we couldn't stand to be a moment without one another! What happened to us, _us_!"

"I woke uo." Was all that he had answered me with. He didn't look at me one as he continued to walk away from me. Before he could get too far away, however, I picked up a small potted plant beside me and lifted it into the air. He was near the end of the hall when I threw it at him but I had missed him by just an inch. It smashed into a million shards of dirt and pieces of the pot with the small flower that made it's home in it lay broken and defeated beneath the wall. My eyes then noticed some of the servants coming out of various rooms to witness what has just happened in the hallway. The way they all whispered and looked around, especially at me. Their actions and words only enraged me more causing me to then raise my voice at them, yelling for them to return to their jobs and whatever else they were doing. But before I returned to my room, I took note of that blonde haired whore of Alistairs. Rheina came running to my side and reached to help me up. In that prissy voice of hers, she said to me.

"My lady, please, you're bleeding! Let me help you."

"Don't touch me, you little harlot!" I hissed back and swatted her hand away. She stared at me with her big blue eyes but didn't look me in the eye. She knew the fight had been about her and she didn't want to look into the eye of the wife of the man who she had been sleeping with. Queitly, Rheina only stuttered a small sorry and shifted to her feet to leave me be. The moment I had been alone, I got to my own feet and began to run away from that place. I couldn't be there any longer, I needed to go to my sanctuary, my haven. Again, it had been raining and it showed no sign of easing up in any way but did that stop me? No, no it did not. So broken and tormented, I ran for the castle garden and fell upon my knees the moment I had entered it. The rain once again was my companion in my time of need and it held me close with a caress of wet love. Now the warm tears fell and became one with the dampness of the rain. Silently, I cried and I cried until it felt like there would be no more pain. However, I then felt someones touch upon my right shoulder. Accompanied with that touch came a voice that ringed a distant bell.

"Lady Cousland, are you alright?"

I didn't respond though. I quietly continued to cry instead. Before I could even think about crying some more, I was hushed the moment I seen the whisp of orange-ginger colored and hair and my tears were stopped the moment spring green eyes met mine. This man looked familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it. My sore red eyes continued to stare into his as the rain fell all around us. Then in the back of my mind, a name came to my mind but I couldn't exactly remember it. My tongue knew it, yet my brain didn't? So before I knew it, my tongue began to act before I could think.

"R-Rory?"

"Yes, it's Ser Gilmore my lady." He replied with a sweet smile. Again, I had begun to cry. These tears however, were tears of happy joy. With shaky hands, I brought him into a hug that had been long awaited. Long ago, the night when my parents had been murdered, I remembered how the last time I saw him I wanted to bring him into hug just like this one. I was terrified for Ser Gilmore, I didn't want him to sacrifice himself for my family. The tears continued to fall as I remembered those last bittersweet moments we shared together, if it was called sharing. With a shaky voice, I whispered in his ear.

"I thought you were killed."

"No, we managed to get away. Only a few others and I." He whispered back.

"I'm so glad..." I replied and still continued to hug him. I didn't feel the need to move or get up, just the feeling that I needed to sit here and cry on the shoulder of Ser Gilmore. It had been a long time since I had last seen this man and it felt good to keep him close after the long separation. At this point, I didn't care why he was here or when he needed to leave. I just cared that he was here with me. So quietly, I just continued to cry and cry until there were no more tears left to cry.


	3. I'm Not Alright

**Chapter 3:** I'm Not Alright

_"If weakness is a wound,_  
_That no one wants to speak of,_  
_Then cool is just how far we have to fall._  
_I am not immune,_  
_I only want to be loved._  
_But I feel safe behind the firewall,_  
_Can I lose my need to impress?_  
_If you want the truth, I need to confess:_  
_I am not alright."_

Time had consumed us as we sat quietly in the rain. Despite the cold little droplets, I felt strangely warm sitting next to Ser Gilmore. In all honesty, I didn't know how this was possible considering he was in a full suit of armor yet here I was, warmer than a spring afternoon. But did I complain? No, no I didn't. It was relieving to finally have someone to hold onto after all of these long and hard months. I was thankful that Rory had come back to my side, especially when I least expected it. He held onto me and I lay in his arms, quiet and unmoving. My eyes were closed as I listened to the rain as it fell in a steady, heated pace all around us. It was the sound of his heart that caught my attention the most though. The way it danced to the steady rhythm of the rain's drumming was so...relieving in its own way. Just earlier this morning I had wished to hear Alistair's heartbeat but he had denied me. Now here I was, listening to Roland Gilmore's heart beat like a wild storm passing through. The Maker was cruel, cruel man the way he had taken my most precious thing but then present me with something just as special. But secretly, I had lost my faith long ago when he had taken my family away.

How could someone so powerful, so loved let something like that happen?

The rain still poured and Rory shifted. I had stopped crying a little while ago but the feeling of his strong arms holding me just felt so right, and I liked it too much to let go. It was so...comforting. However, I then found myself asking him quietly.

"Do you want to go inside? I'm starting to get cold..."

"Yes, my lady. Here, let me help you." He answered as he began to stand up, gripping my right arm to help me stand. The fact that I felt drained surprised me. We couldn't have been out here that long, could we? I had felt so weak as I stood upon my legs. They wobbled with stings of needle-like pain surging throughout them. Still, he held onto me faithfully and we walked towards the closest door. It was warmer inside and as we stood in the doorway to dry off for a few moments, we took note of how some of the ladies came running up towards us with drying cloths and dry clothes. Rory let go of me as they led me away to my room so I could get cleaned up. As he let go, it felt like I was losing another piece of me. It puzzled me at first but I simply ignored it, feeling that I shouldn't dwell on things as silly as that. I already had too many things on my mind to let that rip me up too.

So I drifted into my distant thoughts as they dressed me up like a rag doll. Sometimes I didn't like being the Queen for it was far too stressful to actually enjoy the title. The Dalish had an ideal way of life, even if they too had their share problems. The maids did their work and soon finished leaving me looking like a living doll instead of an actual human. They adorned me with jewels and precious stones. Applied ebony make-up to my eyes and a scarlet upon my lips so it could match the ruby around my neck. They twisted my obsidian curls into a high, tight bun and left only my bangs and few strands loose. They tightened the emerald corset so I could barely breath and left the white skirt of my dress as the only flowing thing upon me. They twisted and pulled, squeezed and entwined. What did they think I was, I toy for their sick imaginations to doll up and destroy? However, before I could complain any more, they were done and led me back to Ser Gilmore who was also finished getting wrecked. His orange-ginger hair was dry but left messy and he was now in a more comfortable suit. He quietly watched me walk over-towards him and I purposely didn't catch his green eyes with my gray ones. However, the moment I was fully in his presence, he caught my eye and I slightly blushed. With a small laugh, he said to me.

"Is that the Lady Cousland I know? I fear I'm in the wrong household."

"It's Queen now." I answered while looking towards the crying outside world. It had fallen quiet between us and I refused to look back at him, even if he did continue speaking.

"That's right. It seems my Lady has grown up and become the ruler of Ferelden, and apparently has become very serious as well."

My body froze the moment I heard him comment about my newfound seriousness. My body felt like decaying or floating away, anything so I didn't have to stand here at this very moment. My tongue felt heavy and I couldn't speak leaving only an awkward silence to take the unspoken words place. My eyes were still gazing out into the lonely world surrounding us and before I knew it, I answered but dodged the last comment like it was a serious disease or something along those lines.

"Roland, why have you come here?"

"I've come to see an old friend, of course." He then shuffled to stand next to me as he answered my question.

"No, honestly." I bluntly answered.

"Did the King not tell you?" He questioned and I noticed him look at me from the corner of my eye. Again, it had fallen silent between us and I still watched my garden get poured on. My ruby lips were in a hard, un-happy line as I searched the garden for any sort of answer. It seemed I would be on my own with this one. I then decided to answer him.

"Roland, did it not occur to you as to why I was outside in my night clothing crying during a rain-shower?"

"It puzzled me, yes, but I didn't think too much of it." He replied quietly.

"Things...just haven't been right since I married the King." I then answered as I shifted to my side without looking away. Once more the silence ate away at me. I didn't know if I should say anymore to Roland but I felt like I should tell him something. As he questioned me, I looked slightly over towards his direction but didn't look at him fully.

"How so?"

My eyes searched the cold stone floors for answers but just like my garden, I was alone. How could I possibly explain this to him? How could I explain that everything Alistair had done only torn the cold, icy thing called my heart more and more? How could I explain that the my husband, the King, loved a mere elven servant more than the woman who was there with him through everything? Would he understand the fact that he sought a not-so secret haven inside of her? Would he understand that the taint inside of me forbade me from having children and that was the whole cause of this problem? This angered me to the point where my hands balled up into fists, to where the bottom of my stomach was filled with lead butterflies and my eyes began to well up with angry, salty droplets called tears. I felt like throwing up from all of this anger and stupidity. Through gritted teeth, I answered him.

"The king doesn't tell me anything. He keeps secrets, lies to his Queen and sneaks around with little harlots. He leaves Ferelden on the verge of chaos from the lack of attention. Surely you must have heard of this for Ferelden talks and you do not pass it a blind ear like he does. You are not a stupid man Roland, and you know that."

"It is true, I have seen with my own eyes the chaos that plagues Ferelden. People do talk and I have heard that the King is sneaking around with...other women. This is why I'm here though, I was accepted as a Captain Of The Guard by the King himself."

I turned my head again, looking back at the beautiful garden before me. There was a strange ping of sadness inside of me. It was different from all the other notions of sadness from before. I felt...hallow. Like I had been forgotten or something. The only way I could describe this feeling was being replaced. I didn't see why I had felt such a feeling but I just felt replaced. My feelings were all jumbled and mixed up these days, so it didn't surprise me anymore. Time slowly passed us by and I soon began to feel tired. How long had it been, exactly? It slightly startled me when he then asked a certain question.

"Do you still sing?"

"Pardon?" I questioned and then turned to look at him. I haven't been asked that question in a long time. Infact, I haven't even thought about it for so long that I forgot that I even sang. I stared at him, puzzled but listened to him anyway.

"I asked if you still sing."

"I haven't sung for a long, long time." I replied and watched as his lips curled into a small smile. However, I then felt the warm tears begin to fall from my eyes and my heart began to ache. I could feel the black around my eyes begin to seep down my face as well. It was like a giant, emotional waterfall that broke me down. I felt so...vulnerable the way I was so open. I didn't have much to cling to anymore and I wasn't very strong to begin with. Singing had been my passion before everything happened. Singing was the greatest joy in my life and here I go and forget it. It's like I had forgotten how to live... Bringing it back into my life though felt very strange. I lowered my eyes again and looked at the ground below our feet. I felt so broken again. However, I then saw a pale streak in front of my eyes and felt the coolness of a hand brush the warm tears away. Before I knew it, I was crying once more. Quietly I heard Roland coo in my right ear as he brought me into a hug.

"It's alright Ro, you can cry if you need to. I'm here for you..."

"T-thank you." Was all I managed to squeak out before I broke down again. My hands were grasping his shirt as I cried into it more and more. As I cried however, I felt strangely safe. I didn't feel so vulnerable from the way he held me close to his heart. It was something Alistair couldn't promise me anymore. It was something that I haven't felt in a long, long time. But here I was, pouring my heart out. Though I simply let my thoughts drift out into a dark rolling sea of pain and regret, I could sense light coming back. It was as if the storm or sorrow and anger would be passing and leave behind the sun and happiness. It felt...good. There was a new question however: what if Roland was my new sun in the midst of a dark and chaotic world? What would happen if something ever became of Roland and I? I wouldn't be any better than Alistair, would I? Still, I let that float away just as the other thoughts did and continued to feel safe. It had been such a long, long time since I had, so why give it up now?


	4. Fall At You Feet

**Chapter 1:** Fall At Your Feet

_"I'm really close tonight_,  
_ And I feel like I'm moving inside her_.  
_ Lying in the dark_,  
_ And I think that I'm beginning to know her_.  
_ Let it go_.  
_ I'll be there when you call_,  
_ And whenever I fall at your feet_,  
_ Do you let your tears rain down on me_.  
_ Whenever I touch your slow turning pain."_

It had been a full month since Alistair had left for Orlais and Ser Gilmore reentering my life. It didn't seem that long to be quite honest. From watching Rory train his knights to going to the Denerim market to see my people, it had been a busy month that's for sure. But there was something that had perplexed me though, the way that Rory made me...weak in the knees, per sey? I remember the feeling from before. It was long before Alistair could even think about entering my life, back when my parents were still alive. Back then I had feelings for Ser Gilmore, very strong feelings at that. Some would say it wasn't love due to my young age but deep within my heart, I knew it was. I remember how I would wish and pray for him to look at me, or to say hello or atleast smile at me. Anything to get his attention. I was too afraid of going to him myself however, I was absolutely terrified of even thinking about it. As fate would have it though, we soon became friends. Even saying the slightest of hellos would send my heart into a pulsing rage. There was just something about him that made me go insane. Over time, we soon became close but nothing ever came of it.

Not one thing.

I didn't complain though, I was just thankful we could be friends rather than nothing. Soon enough though, the day came when Arl Howe betrayed my family and causing me to leave Rory and my feelings behind. Then it was Alistair who soon swept me off of my feet. Things soon melded into one and here I am, the Queen of Ferelden and confused about my feelings for the King and a long lost friend. How could I explain this to anyone? Well for starters, I wasn't going to tell anyone and I was more than sure I wasn't going to cheat on my husband even though he was a lying cheating bastard, quite literally at that. How could I be mad at him if I went and did it myself? Still, I then steered my thoughts away from this and went back to thinking about other things. I couldn't dwell on Alistair forever, it would be utterly pointless. As I wandered about my room, I then heard someone enter. As I turned around I then spotted my young lady-in-waiting Guinevere and took note of the wide smile upon her lips. She walked gracefully in with her long scarlet red hair swaying behind her and the way her bright green eyes held a distant sparkle in them caught my attention. As she neared her smile continuously got bigger and bigger and with her gentle voice, she said to me.

"My queen, the Captain of The Guard wishes to meet you in his room. He says there's something you must see."

"His room, for what?" I questioned as I raised an eyebrow. She suddenly laughed and it sounded as if bells were being chimed. As soon as she was done laughing at me, Guinevere then whispered.

"My queen, he says it urgent and not to keep him waiting."

"He didn't say for what, did he?" I then stated with a small smile.

"No my queen, but he wants you to hurry." She replied and then hurried for the door. With a pale hand, I picked up my dark crimson skirt so I could get there faster. I brushed my ebony bangs out of my eyes and nodded towards Guinevere as I said thank you. She only answered with a small laugh as she shut the door behind me. More thoughts then plagued my mind, what could he possibly want to show me?

Not too long after, I had found myself standing at his door as I patiently waited for him to let me in. It was deserted in the hallway and I found it slightly strange but I didn't care enough to do something about it. However, I then heard the door opening and him letting me in. He looked at me with his spring green eyes as he shut the door behind me and my heart then began to pick up its pace. I prayed he couldn't hear it for it would just make everything worse. At first, we didn't say anything to each-other but simply stare. My heart then began to race faster and faster, I had to look away or start a conversation. Anything would be better than a staring contest. My eyes then shifted towards the ground as I questioned him quietly.

"So Rory, what exactly was so urgent? My lady-in-waiting stated you wanted to show me something?"

"Well, it's not that I wanted to show you something but more or less, I wanted you to sing for me." He answered quite suddenly. I then looked back up towards him and stared at him blankly. Did he just say he wanted me to sing for him? The next thing I felt was sadness. Singing just...wasn't me anymore. That was from my childhood and quite clearly, I wasn't a child anymore. As I shook my head I began to protest.

"No Roland, I don't sing anymore. I told you that."

"For me?" He begged and I simply rolled my eyes. There was no way he was going to get me to sing. That was in the past, I simply didn't sing anymore. There was another few moments silence as I turned away from him. I couldn't stand to look at him as I denied him this. Then my ears picked up the sound of him shuffling towards me. He stood only a few inches behind me for I could feel his warm breath upon my neck as I heard him speak gently.

"You know how much I love it when you sing. It brings back fond memories of our childhood and when we first met..."

"Please, don't speak of this." I quietly pleaded. I feared the thought of thinking about my parents again. That was a part of me that I had succeeded in suppressing and I simply didn't feel like bringing them up. All those years I wanted to rebel from my parents. Scaring off suitors and disappointing my mother, saddening my father when I expressed my wishes to join Duncan and the Gray wardens. Quite suddenly, I felt my heart begin to sink from my chest down to my stomach. This was beginning to be too much. Was this what Rory wanted, to bring me here and bring up the past? I couldn't take it, I needed to leave. Without being told my feet then shuffled towards the door in hopes I could leave. Before I could actually reach the door however, I felt a warm hand grab onto my cold on and it held me firmly so I couldn't leave. Then quietly the salty waterworks began. Warm, gentle tears then began to fall from my eyes as I began to fall to my knees. This was the first time I had cried in one whole month and I was doing pretty well up until now. However, Rory only held me close as we sat upon the cold ground. Thoughts of my mother and father soon began to plague me. When they died, I didn't cry. I remember telling myself that they were alright and that they would be fine. My mother was no wall flower and she knew how to keep a fight going. She was a marvelous woman who I looked up to and hoped to be like oneday. Even though my father was mortally wounded, he always knew how to turn things around to work in his favor so it was quite possible they could have lived. Though deep down inside of me I knew they weren't going to be alright and it was only confirmed when I went to visit my brother Fergus at Highever. I had denied it for so long that I at times believed that they were fine. I didn't want to cry over their deaths for I knew it would be acceptance of their passing. Fergus simply went his own way of accepting their deaths by sleeping with many different women. Surely he must have had another child by now to replace his little Oren. Again, tears were brought to my eyes as I thought about this.

How could someone let such sweet innocence die?

This was just too much... However, I then felt the gentleness of his hand brush away the wetness. My eyes trailed up towards him and he smiled sweetly at me. He then leaned closer to me and tenderly placed his lips upon my wet cheeks and kissed the tears away. My sore eyes widened and I simply stare at him. He looked at me with his gentle green eyes and then I placed my lips upon his. The tears stopped and my heart raced. For such a long, long time I had wanted to kiss him. His lips were so gentle, so tender, so loving. It was better than those damn rushed things Alistair called kisses. But at this very moment, I simply brushed the thought of Alistair away and thought only of my sweet Ser Gilmore. Roland Gilmore had been my new white knight in shining armor that swept me off my feet in the darkest of times. I hated to admit it but strangely enough, I felt happy for doing this. If Alistair was allowed to cheat, why wasn't I? As soon as it had begun, the kiss ended and he brushed the rest of the tears away. He smiled as I quietly whispered.

"With your grace as inspiration I will strive to be the victor over one who strives as fervently as I. To earn a maiden's favor for the bold young knight before, to see his love reflected in her eyes."

"What a marvelous song accompanied by a beautiful voice." He answered just as quietly. For the first time in a long time a smile had curled my lips and my heart yearned for more. It had been a long time since I had felt this good. Suddenly he had picked me up off the ground and held me close to his chest as we walked over towards the bed. With slow and loving caresses I could feel him slowly un-tieing my bodice and slip the dress of me. With Alistair, this would have been harder than killing a little mouse. Still, I only thought of my Ser Gilmore as we explored places of eachothers body we haven't before. It had been such a long time since I had felt this happy... Too long.


	5. I'll Stand By You

**Chapter 5:** I'll Stand By You

_"Oh, why do you look so sad?_  
_ Tears are in your eyes,_  
_ Come on and come to me now._  
_ Don't be ashamed to cry,_  
_ Let me see you through,_  
_ 'cause I've seen the dark side too._  
_ When the night falls on you,_  
_ You don't know what to do._  
_ Nothing you confess,_  
_ Could make me love you less.  
I'll stand by you."_

A jolt rippled throughout my body and I had sat up almost instantly, now awake and questioning as to where I was. My eyes searched the dark empty room for any answers but it was no use for there wasn't any windows to spill light into this dark place. Still, I squinted in the dark in hopes to figure it out but it was no use. However, not moments later it had hit me:

I was still in Ser Gilmore's room.

My heart then began to race as I thought about what had happened. First I came here, that was rather obvious. Then I remembered I had broke down after having a conversation with him about the past, then we kissed and...it didn't lead to more, did it? At first I had denied it simply because I was terrified of the idea. How could I cheat on Alistair, especially with Ser Gilmore? Not that there was anything wrong with Ser Gilmore, but he had been a long lost friend who I _did_ have feelings for but no longer. How could I have been so stupid? My eyes then trailed over towards the sleeping man with ginger colored hair at my side. I watched him take in slow and silent breaths of air. He was beautiful, I had to admit that. Those sweet thoughts were then swept away with bitter ones: This was wrong and I needed to leave before I could let it get out of hand more. Yet despite the fact I was aware that i had to leave, I stayed in my spot and I watched him sleep more. There was something about this sleeping man that had made me want to stay just a little longer. I felt as if I could have an actual life with him but then at the same time, I couldn't. How I wanted to simply lie back down and stay with him as I drifted off into a charming sleep. I was the Queen of Ferelden though, at least one of it's rulers needed to stay on the right track. So without anymore ifs, ands or buts, I tore myself away from the bed and began to get dressed. It didn't take long and before I knew it, I was quietly shutting the door behind me, and didn't look back once.

There was a storm of thoughts in my mind the moment I got a breath of fresh air. My heart raced as I looked to see if there was anybody around and I was relieved to see that no one was. However, the moment I began to walk away from my doom, I then heard quietly behind me.

"My Queen, there is somebody who wishes to see you. They are waiting in the garden for you."

My skin crawled as I turned around and caught the sapphire blue eyes of Rheina. My gray hues bore into hers as my gaze turned into a dark and icy glare. Not once did she wince, not once did she back down. In fact, she even smiled at me, the nerve of her. However, I then venomously spat back at her.

"Thank you Rheina, you are dismissed."

"You're welcome, my Queen." She answered and bowed her head. She then picked up her brown skirts and walked past me with an air of superiority that had rubbed me the wrong way. She was up to something, more than just sleeping with my husband. However, I then took interest in who had wanted to see me. It could have been anyone that I've met on my travels or maybe one of my former companions, simply anyone. It intrigued more and more as I walked towards my garden of secrets. Before I could reach my garden however, I then heard few of the servants speaking to one another. They were speaking in low hushed voices but I still heard what the two women were saying.

"Have you heard of the Witch that lives in the Frostback mountains?"

"I've heard she's evil."

"Most witches are Faye, think about it. Why else would they turn humans into frogs, or into soup. Or maybe even into pie and then sell it to strangers that they meet! You never know."

"But Maria, isn't this one really, really, really evil? The kind where she'd turn you into frog-soup-pie, eat you, and then feast upon your soul for dessert?"

"It's something you would expect from the Ice Queen."

"I thought her name was Requie-"

"Shh! Don't say her name, it's forbidden! If you speak her name, she'll come and take your children away!"

"Oh no, my little Maggie! By the Maker, I have to go see if she's alright!"

However, I simply brushed off these little myths off as well...myths and simply continued on my way. I had better things to do with my time rather than listening to a bunch of folklores. It wasn't too long before I had reached my destination and when I stepped outside into my garden, the first thing I noticed was the clouds: they were dark and gray as they floated lazily around the gray-blue sky. They looked fairly happy up there and I longed to be with them. I then noticed someone standing beside the white roses and the bleeding hearts. Just in front of my white carnations I watched the stranger with black hair pick at the roses with a gloved hand. He looked strangely familiar but I couldn't help but wonder who he was. Instead of being rude, I greeted them with a half-hearted smile and said.

"Good evening sir, what is it that you wish of me?"

"You don't have to be so formal all the time. You may be the queen but you still are my sister." The stranger said with a hearty laugh and ruffled my hair. At first I couldn't believe it and my heart ached slightly upon hearing the word sister. I didn't know what to say to this so I mumbled out.

"Fergus, is that you?"

"In the flesh my darling sister. How are things being the Queen of Ferelden and all?" Fergus announced happily and brought me into a hug. I forgot how crushing his hugs were... After a few minutes of bone crushing and catching my breath, I answered my older brother.

"It could be better to say in the least."

"And why is that?" He questioned and once again played with the rose that was beside him.

"It's nothing really. Anyway, how long will you be here?" I dodged with a question myself as I swatted his hand away from the poor flower. He only shook his head as he smiled at me and it made me wonder: what was he hiding? Before I could think too long about it, he then answered.

"I've come to see my baby sister, of course. Is that wrong of an older brother caring about his little sister?"

"No, it's just... a little strange." I answered and punched him on the shoulder lightly.

"Ah, not the fighter I thought you once were? What happened to the whole "I scare away all of my suitors because I never want to get married!" and "I slayed the Arch-demon and put a stop to the blight." He flayed his hands as he mocked my punch. With a heavy sigh, I said to him.

"Oh Fergus, come on. Why are you really here?"

"I'm not answering until you tell me what's really wrong." He countered.

"Fergus, it's hard to explain."

"Rozen, I came home to a broken castle and later found out that we lost our whole family to a man who we thought was a friend. I lost my wife, my child, and almost you my sister. That's hard. Now you tell me what's so hard to explain." He suddenly stated with a harsh seriousness. Once again, something that was changed about him after that night my parents were killed. He no longer was his genuine happy self like he once was. I was amazed to see him smiling this much without a drink in hand. Taking in a deep sigh, I answered him.

"Look Fergus, how would you feel if you found out that your king was cheating on you with a little elven harlot, hm? You wouldn't feel too great, now would you? Especially if everyone of Ferelden is mocking the lack of an heir, him letting Ferelden go into a state of cha-"

"So the King is cheating on you, with an elven servant just as leaves all of Ferelden in a state of chaos?" He interrupted and looked at me.

"Well, yes if you want to put it so lightly." I answered and looked towards the ground.

"Well, if he comes home without an arm, you can grantee I'm running to Orlais." He replied as he walked to my side and put and arm on my shoulder.

"Fergus, you're humor has and always will be dry. Though it still makes me smile in the hardest of times..." I answered and put my around him as well. It had been good to see my brother again, even after everything what had happened. He only chuckled half-heartedly as he replied.

"What? I'll always be here for you my sweet sister, you only deserve the best."

"Now Fergus, you tell me why you're really here." I questioned after he had finished.

"Alright, alright. I have come from Highever to ask for your approval for remarrying."

"Why in the world would you want my approval? It's your choices, not mine."

"Simply because you're the queen, my only living relative and the fact you're my sister all plays a part. Now is this a yes, or a no?"

"I...suppose so?" I answered but then heard another voice break in.

"My Queen, I'm sorry for interrupting but we must have you ready for the celebration tonight. The king's returning from Orlais and we are celebrating his arrival."

"And who is this pretty young woman with the hair as bright as fire and redder than the wine I drink?" Fergus asked as he let me go and turned around to face my lady-in-waiting.

"This is my lady-in-waiting, Guinevere. She hails from the lands of Orlais, my brother." I answered Fergus with a smile and looked at Guinevere as she curtsied.

"I've had an Antivan wife before, I'm sure an Orlesian is just as fine if not better." He replied as he took her hand gently and placed a tender kiss upon the back of it. It seemed that she was quite smitten with Fergus just as he was smitten with her. They held one another eye and I felt slightly ignored. I wasn't mad however, but felt happy for them. Her smile only widened the moment he had picked one of my white roses and place it in her small pale hand. However, before they were all over each other, I took my young lady-in-waitings hand and dragged her away from my brother. We giggled the whole way and she spoke of only him and asked who he was, where he had come from and why. It was good to be smiling this much, even if it wasn't truly happy like I had wished to be. Still, I was happy nonetheless and I was glad that someone else was happy for a change, even if I would see the root of sadness later tonight.


End file.
